My own Melody - Birth Story

Photo credit - GFB Bbaies. Mum and baby hand in hand.

My eyes pinged open and my heart began to race, I was afraid to move. I must be dreaming. Nope, it definitely wasn’t a dream, I could feel a warm and wet sensation making it’s way down to my ankle and sending a shivering buzz through my spine. I think it’s finally happened, 38 weeks pregnant, baby pressed on my bladder and I’m pretty sure I just peed the bed. So grateful my husband was on night shift, how embarrassing! All of a sudden I jumped out of bed, no I couldn’t jump out of bed I wriggled and rolled and eventually was able to get out of bed. I made my way to the toilet as the warm feeling, kept running down my leg. I stopped and stared looking down, only just seeing my toes, doing that thing pregnant woman do trying to pull their belly up, thinking it will make a difference to what you can see. This doesn’t feel right, My bladder wasn’t this full? why is it still coming out? I looked back at the liquid trail I had left on the tiles and realized, that’s probably not urine. I think my water broke.

I was home alone at the strike of midnight, cool, calm and collected so far, this isn’t labor. Ladies and gentleman you might recognize that as denial. I decided to call the hospital and spoke to the midwife,

“Hi, I just woke up and I’m leaking”.

I explained I felt fine but I can’t stop this leaking. She asked if I was having any contractions and at this stage, I had not had any contractions or braxton hicks, just leaking! I had no idea what to look out for and how I was supposed to be feeling, to confirm whether my water had actually broken. The midwife best advised I head to the hospital just incase. I wasn’t convinced this was it and I knew for sure, I was not ready to give birth that night. Brushing off the fact my water just broke I padded up and I confidently drove myself to hospital. What’s the worst that could happen? * Insert nervous laugh *

I arrived, sitting content in the waiting room it’s just a check up, I kept convincing myself. Not long after arriving I was seen and tests confirmed my water had in fact broken. No-one in the room was alarmed and my cervix was no where near ready for me to give birth, or so we thought. The midwives instructed me to go home, sleep and reassured me, I probably wouldn’t give birth until the next day, where they would need to intervene because my water had already broken and they wanted to avoid infection. Off I went home still feeling fine and happily took the sleeping pills the hospital gave me. I showered jumped in bed and began to prepare myself for labor - the next day (WRONG!). I was so exhausted. So far, this is where I was at, I arrived at the hospital around 12:30am, sent home at 6am and when I jumped back in bed anticipating much needed rest, contractions began at 8am.

Dad feeling baby’s kicks.

I was breathing heavy, my husband became concerned as the pain had gradually washed over me as we were laying there. I brushed it off and said no I’m not giving birth until tomorrow, It’s just Braxton hicks. Moments later it was obvious contractions were in full force and the ambulance was on it’s way. Still curled up in my bed with two paramedics by myside, telling me to get up and get to the ambulance, I told them it’s ok baby wasn’t coming until tomorrow. This was denial hiding behind fear now. I’m having a baby! WOW..

Back at the hospital I was told this time it was, for real. Saturated with fear I was relying on mother nature to guide me through this process. The contractions became stronger and stronger and so did my pain killers. I was irritable and in pain. I tried to maneuver myself into more comfortable positions it was impossible. I was constantly moved onto my back as I was attached to a machine that was monitoring the baby. Having wires running all over me and constantly being re-adjusted was extremely testing. Everything hurt, immensely. Perhaps I’m alone in this thought at the time but I was thinking, what have I got myself into?

Contractions ran closer and closer together and I clenched onto my TENS machine for dear life and tried to breathe it out. When I train in the gym and I go through hard and heavy sets, I always say to myself, breathe through the pain and go through the motions, before you know it, it will be over. Implementing the same coping mechanism, it only lasted as long as it did but I reached a point where it wasn’t helping me through. My husband was trying his best to fight almost 36 hours of no sleep, rushing to the hospital in the middle of night shift and now he had to conjure up all the strength to be my cheer leader. No matter how hard he tried I was so annoyed by his presence, surely I’m not alone there. The experience thus far was defeating me. I decided I was done!

“I’m done being a hero, give me the epidural”. I demanded!

After being examined the epidural was not an option, I had reached 10 cm, which meant I was ready to push. Waiting for the next lot of contractions I pushed and screamed and pushed and screamed. Hour after hour I was still being told to push, can you believe it? Yes, I was being instructed to push for a further 3 hours after they had told me I was 10 cm dilated. This is where it began to become traumatic, I thought I don’t even know how to give birth and was feeling extremely inadequate, almost like they didn’t believe I was pushing and I was, through excruciating pain. The urge to push was uncontrollable but baby wasn’t coming out. Staff are telling me to push and push and MY GOSH, I sure as hell was pushing! 3 midwives, 2 doctors and finally 1 surgeon later realized I had been doing everything right but the baby was stuck! The room scrambled as the surgeon prompted everyone to me prepped for a C-section. She was not happy I had been left so long pushing and still no baby. The surgeon was my saving grace, first baby and I was just doing what I was told.

I had paperwork flying in my face, people talking at me and I was barely coping through each bound of contraction. The urge to push is prominent, it’s a feeling you cannot suppress. Out of breath, out of energy and trying so hard to focus on the instructions staff were relaying to me. I began to have tunnel vision as my body slowly started to give up. I gave all of me physically, emotionally and mentally to the nurses, I had nothing left and worried sick about my baby being stuck. I signed my life away and could hear the medical staff shooing my husband to another room. In a panicked state I kept wandering if my baby was ok. I was wheeled to theatre and I remember as each contraction came on, I’d open and close my eyes, just seeing the walls blur. Unable to ask questions through the pain, I had been placed in a slumped position and had been given a spinal block, which is a needle in the spine like an epidural. Eventually I couldn’t feel anything from my torso down and they had put the screen up. I laid there trying my best not to cry out of worry, the room continuing to scramble. The surgeon explained they would try to manually reposition the baby, followed by forceps and if the above failed to prevail they’d perform the C-Section. I was completely out of my depth here and feeling useless , I longed to hold my daughter and hear her first cry.

My husband was finally by my side trying to keep me calm, he was just as worried and impatient to have our daughter arrive safe and sound. The surgeon went in to try and manually assist the baby with no luck, next came the forceps and at last the surgeon placed her fingers under the baby’s arms took a step back an pulled her right out. I looked up and over the white sheet and there she was, my beautiful baby girl crying so loud, it was the most beautiful sound. They laid her across my neck and in an instant we both connected on a spiritual level, we had become one on the outside world seeking comfort in each others touch. I held her tiny, slippery body and just cried and cried. 4:28pm she was here, she was ok.

Moments after giving birth - First time skin to skin.

In theatre after giving birth- First family photo.

Once the adrenalin had worn off, I looked at this beautiful baby girl curled up into my arms and I was so relieved to have her earth side. The moment my daughter was born, so was I. It felt as though everything in the world had made a cosmic shift and whispered welcome to motherhood. We spent two nights in hospital and the air I was breathing felt different. I could feel the shift in the universe and embraced my new found purpose in life. The second day in hospital my husband and I finally agreed on a name, Melody Storm. Today she lives up to her name and fits the brief perfectly. As this day gets further and further away in my memories, we enjoy creating new memories and all the highlights after this day have all been because I became a mother.

“The moment my daughter was born, so was I.”

Written by -

Liela Thurling